If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize