I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
