dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.