Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
