I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
