He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
