Cold hands, warm shart.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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