i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
