so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
