I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
