i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
