Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
