Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
