i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
