we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
