I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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