I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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