We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
