And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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