she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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