My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
