I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
