i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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