absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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