from now on my penis is your penis
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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