I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
