I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
