Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
