I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
birth control should be required to get into college
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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