Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
