She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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