At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
