Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I will be naked everywhere
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
