What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
