He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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