im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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