Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
