Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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