it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
