ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
