How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
