this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
