please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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