.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
