Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(361): View more from Texas

Screwed.edu

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(361): Screwed.edu http://tfl.nu/m1ch

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.

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(832): Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on. http://tfl.nu/m36i

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(407): View more from Florida

Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.

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(407): Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock. http://tfl.nu/0ypw

Replies (11) Good night (3740) Bad night (1534)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.

(1-780): View more from Alberta, CA

This is why we're friends.

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(780): If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator. (1-780): This is why we're friends. http://tfl.nu/yp3s

Replies (7) Good night (4668) Bad night (1150)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.

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(307): We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives. http://tfl.nu/qq5e

Replies (22) Good night (4679) Bad night (1023)
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(862): View more from New Jersey

She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone

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(862): She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone http://tfl.nu/c8bq

Replies (9) Good night (3589) Bad night (793)
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(302): View more from Delaware

the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark

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(302): the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark http://tfl.nu/i1gh

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(214): View more from Texas

Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.

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(214): Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming. http://tfl.nu/yp4i

Replies (21) Good night (1559) Bad night (1469)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.

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(701): I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day. http://tfl.nu/5jp7

Replies (2) Good night (1364) Bad night (540)
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(519): View more from Ontario

I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there

(905): View more from Ontario

Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties

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(519): I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there (905): Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties http://tfl.nu/lxma

Replies (4) Good night (1470) Bad night (1072)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

That is a hangover

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I would prefer a headache

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(215): Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame (267): That is a hangover (215): I would prefer a headache http://tfl.nu/ewcu

Replies (3) Good night (1360) Bad night (654)
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(706): View more from Georgia

I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.

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(706): I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose. http://tfl.nu/d385

Replies (6) Good night (645) Bad night (840)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done

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(405): I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done http://tfl.nu/3aup

Replies (5) Good night (1079) Bad night (607)
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(770): View more from Georgia

I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.

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(770): I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby. http://tfl.nu/say7

Replies (1) Good night (698) Bad night (408)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings

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(306): Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings http://tfl.nu/zw2p

Replies (2) Good night (509) Bad night (335)

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