Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
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Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!