Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?

(516): View more from New York

one can only hope.

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(647): View more from Ontario

after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me

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(216): View more from Ohio

I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.

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(253): View more from Washington

waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(705): View more from Ontario

And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.

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(928): View more from Arizona

Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.

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(708): View more from Illinois

Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.

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