Texts From Last Night

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  (419): View more from Ohio

  mustard is like jesus in yellow tights

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  (419): mustard is like jesus in yellow tights http://tfl.nu/uvec
  Replies (9) Good night (1520) Bad night (729)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much

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  (917): his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much http://tfl.nu/cn35
  Replies (30) Good night (1719) Bad night (5207)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  What'd you guys eat?

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  Literally everything that was frozen.

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  (918): What'd you guys eat? (1-918): Literally everything that was frozen. http://tfl.nu/igjp
  Replies (8) Good night (4185) Bad night (933)
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  (845): View more from New York

  my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe

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  (845): my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe http://tfl.nu/yy5r
  Replies (10) Good night (1548) Bad night (4435)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.

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  (207): She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk. http://tfl.nu/dswf
  Replies (9) Good night (942) Bad night (2359)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."

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  (412): Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers." http://tfl.nu/fu3x
  Replies (11) Good night (1083) Bad night (3135)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition

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  (765): That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition http://tfl.nu/31mo
  Replies (4) Good night (1893) Bad night (1392)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  no. 1 rule of bromania: no females

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  (215): no. 1 rule of bromania: no females http://tfl.nu/0toi
  Replies (14) Good night (1030) Bad night (2175)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.

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  (519): Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene. http://tfl.nu/c9bu
  Replies (5) Good night (1285) Bad night (911)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT

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  (406): Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT http://tfl.nu/rebq
  Replies (7) Good night (1091) Bad night (567)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.

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  (817): I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool. http://tfl.nu/j2os
  Replies (7) Good night (435) Bad night (1209)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.

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  (214): They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday. http://tfl.nu/u6e3
  Replies (6) Good night (1193) Bad night (642)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together

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  (816): First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman. (540): Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together http://tfl.nu/87tf
  Replies (3) Good night (1025) Bad night (426)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.

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  (318): Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home. http://tfl.nu/6de1
  Replies (1) Good night (705) Bad night (321)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live

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  (402): You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live http://tfl.nu/nu1y
  Replies (0) Good night (349) Bad night (526)

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