Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.