I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize