Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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