I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
