I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
