But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
