The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
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I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
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I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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