I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
