Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
