i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
