Soap is not a condiment
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
