my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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