I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he thought i was a dude.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
