My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
