I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
