This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
