Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
