a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
