Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm too high and old for this...
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