You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
