What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
