Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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