Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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